I am wishing my mother, Mary (Eliza)Beth a very happy double nickel! You’re probably wondering who raised this nutcase, so here’s an appreciation post for my mother.
Mom used to tell me stories of growing up in the catholic church. Like a good catholic, Mom’s name is Mary Elizabeth which means that everyone used to call her “Mary Beth.”
My mother is not a Mary Beth.
I think it’s safe to say that I would have serious mommy issues if my mother was an actual Mary Beth.
Mom turns the double nickel today! I can’t believe it, she looks so good. I’m not just saying that because it’s her birthday, but she really works hard to stay happy and healthy. She’s always putting a positive spin on things and sometimes that really ticks me off because sometimes I just want her to listen to me bitch.
I don’t even know how I am my mother’s daughter. Mom gets embarrassed because I don’t have a filter on me. I just say things as I see them. She tried to teach me, she really did.
My mother is a saint. I remember this one time when I was helping her in the garden and she left me unsupervised for a whole 10 minutes to make lunch. She told me to weed the beds, so when I saw these big, ugly weeds in the farthest bed, I went straight over to it and began digging and jumpin’ all over my shovel. Boy, those weeds were strong suckers! I must have looked crazy jumpin’ all over my shovel like that.
Yeah, I really fucked that one up. I had destroyed over 60% of my mother’s asparagus crop that had been growing for three years in a matter of a few sweaty minutes. You know what Mom said after frantically informing me of my destruction? She told me “Thanks for being such a good helper! Now it’s time to eat those grilled cheese sandwiches.”
I asked Mom why she didn’t tear my arms off after that incident. She said “How could I? You were just trying to help.”
If you don’t think my mother is a saint after that, you must be a little delusional. I’ll never be as nice as her. If I caught my kid diggin’ up all my asparagus, I would take that shovel and knock them against the head with it.
Happy Birthday Mom. Thank you for always attempting to teach me your kindhearted ways no matter how many times I fail. You are truly a standout woman and I am blessed to have such a rockin’ lady in my life. Here’s to you.