Tiny, Stinkin’ Ugly Dog

My neighbor directly across from me has the ugliest dog. It’s so tiny and so stinkin’ ugly I want to punt it back to the strange world it came from. This morning it looked like it was carrying around a piece of shit in its mouth and I swear it was a legit piece of shit because that dog is an alien. I really wonder what was going through that family’s mind when they purchased that poor little gremlin. At least it doesn’t yap or anything, it just kind of roams their backyard with a piece of shit in its mouth. Alien food.

tinystinkin

I can only guess they named it something like Daisy or Dixie or some basic, small, yappy dog name. God it’s so ugly.

aliendog

 

earthaliens1

I went back inside and Peter was still there. Peter has been staying at the Wildflower house for over 10 days now. I like Peter because he’s not Scott. Anyone but Scott. If you don’t remember Scott, read 2016, May Fifth. before you continue. Anyway, Peter is super nice and real hunky and I don’t mind if he sleeps on my couch for eternity.

scott

Leigh came to town this weekend. She’s another one of my “soul sisters” or whatever hippie crap I buy into that makes me want to put a label to our relationship. Leigh likes to call our relationship a “Karmic Connection” and sometimes this makes me want to vom and tell her to shut the fuck up, but I don’t because I am just as annoying with all that hippie crap as she is.

leighlibraaries

Leigh talks in her sleep just as much as I do. One time we woke each other up having a Sims-like conversation of sleepy jabberings and we quickly realized we share the same nutty gift of being annoying as hell to all the peaceful sleepers. She’s my favorite cuddle bug and my super woman friend because we share the same quirky antics and I think our thoughts actually vibrate on the same level. It’s nice to be around someone who can be just as airy as me.

Leigh and I both like healthy food, but I’m just a big phony about it. I’m so lazy, I just eat salad. I know that’s a good thing, but I literally have zero cooking skills under my belt other than boiling noodles. A lot of people think I like to cook a lot, but I don’t. I know it’s super contradicting, but I could actually be a vegan based on how stinkin’ lazy I am in the kitchen.

salAD

Peter’s got a big crush on Leigh and Leigh’s got a big crush on Peter. So I guess that makes me a matchmaker. It really worked out in my favor because Leigh said she wanted banana chocolate chip pancakes and bacon one night and Peter woke up the next morning, went to the store, and made everyone banana chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. He didn’t skimp on the bacon part either. He got the thick kind that has a nice little pepper coat on the edges #keeper.

GREAT.

Anyway, Mom’s coming into town today and I am preparing for a writer’s conference this weekend. I’m such a hot shot and all the publishers are going to eat all my new work up. Lies! I’m just a big amateur and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing in the industry. Gotta start somewhere.

xo

 

 

 

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9 comments

  1. Blooming heck but you’re talented! Please tell me that you have collected all your drawings into books and that they are selling like hotcakes! 🙂
    Oh, and I’m a vegetarian (even though it took me ages to spell it) – am I actually allowed to be here? 😦
    Kindness – Robert.

    1. I’ve created a fiction series…..of course comics included! I’m looking forward to some writers conferences later this month to potentially pitch my work (AHHHH). I actually make books too. I’ll have to create a blog post about it because they are like fold out hamburger and ice cream sandwich books…. pretty hard to explain but they go along with the theme.

      Access granted, vegetarian!

      1. Are they available to buy anywhere yet? Or is that what the conferences are all about? 🙂
        Those sandwich books sound tasty! I look forward to reading about them on your blog.
        Kindness – Robert the Vegetarian. 😉

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