I attempted to put myself in the shoes of a desperate lover. What better way to try a new cultural experience than right in your city and with just a few mouse clicks away? I never really have messed around on Craigslist much. One time I bought a couch for $70 (it just so happens to be my favorite couch ever) but other than that, I have steered clear of the Crusty Craig. What better way to dive in than to enter the battlefield on the personals section?
Oh fuck, it was just too good. I couldn’t stop reading. I trudged through the warfare and found myself a sure keeper. The headline: “NEEDA BAD BITCH TO ROLL MY BLUNT && TWERK.” Was this human meant for me? Did God send this person specifically for me so I could write the best review ever? I was totally going to find out what it was like to online date on Craigslist. Well, almost. So in the info section, he writes something along the lines of this: “YO I’m a real nice guy, steady job, lots of really cool friends that like me a lot. I got my own apartment and everything. The only problem is, is I can’t find a bad bitch to roll my blunts so I can watch her twerk. Message me with “DOPE CHICK” as the subject so I know you’re real.”
Oh, God. As if I thought the meeting up for a “dink” was bad (or did he mean meeting up for some dick)? Oh god, I’m so bad a this already. I don’t know Craigslist lingo. I’m so culturally out of my limitation box.
I’m thinking maybe he is just bad with his grammar and I better give him another chance.
So, I open up the first photo he attached.
What the fuck? This goober is looking for a bad bitch? I was at least expecting some uber-creeper who’s semi-overweight with a double chin. But this dude? Please. Does he even know how to roll a blunt?
So I’m totally thinking I got this in the sack, but then I open up the second attachment.
Image cannot be displayed*
Oh, fuck! He totally ruined my game, that bastard! Doesn’t he know how to treat a nice lady? I was gonna roll his blunt and twerk for him at BBG’s but that shit aint flying with me. I guess this tweeker was pretty serious about twerkin’.
So, I think I will take my desperate self elsewhere. Or try another ad, what do you guys think?
And just remember guys, size does matter.